Criticism and Breastfeeding -
Why it happens and how to deal with

Why does criticism happen?

You’re in the middle of the most emotional, joyful, stressful, life-altering time of your life. You need lots of support and encouragement. But someone, somewhere just has say something stupid and hurtful. Or give you “the look.”

This happens to every mom, not just those who breastfeed. It can even be other moms who are our worst critics. Let’s throw down the gloves, discuss why this happens, and work together to make things better for all of us.

Why do people criticize us?

In an article by Clive Simpkins on Dealing with Criticism, he describes criticism as “the consequence of inappropriate competitiveness or jealousy. Jealousy is the direct product of a sense of inferiority. Inferiority is the outcome of a poor self-esteem. So, it's a vicious cycle. “

What does that criticism mean for us?

It means that, as mothers, we are already doing the most guilt-producing job in the universe. No matter what choices we make for our children, there is always someone who will tell we are wrong.

Just when we think we have it figured out, new information will come out contradicting what we have been doing. This is a hard job! Just ask your parents. Much of what they were told to do when we were kids has since been proven wrong. Someday our kids will be amazed they ever survived when new research comes out showing all the horrible mistakes we are making.

Working backwards from Clive’s description, we feel guilty because we are never completely certain we have made the right choices to give our children the best possible life. This leads to poor self-esteem about our mothering abilities (Am I a good mother?). This can make us feel inferior to other moms, or worry that we are inferior.

Then comes the competitiveness (Yes, I AM a good mom, and I’ll prove it!). This can lead to a self-righteous attitude about our choices, followed by judgment of mothers who have not made the same choice.

We may not even realize we are doing it. All it takes is one curious look at another mother who does it differently. Add that to the hormone monsoon we go through after we have a baby and we are doomed to feel judged, inferior, and guilty; followed by insecure and judgmental of others.

Older mothers can also have selective amnesia about those hard early days. Older mothers especially are out of touch with the realities of infant and toddler care.

But what about critical people who are not parents?

Why on earth do they need to be critical? Again, self-esteem.

For whatever reason, they believe the limited information they have about parenting grants them expert status. This may, in part, relate to deeply engrained cultural beliefs. In the U.S., breasts are so highly sexualized that many people feel very uncomfortable about breastfeeding.

How to deal with critical people?

Because of the low self-esteem of these non-parents; breastfeeding mothers, or any mothers for that matter, become an easy target.