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Is Breastfeeding Sexual?A Discussion about Sexual Feelings and
BreastfeedingIf you listen to the arguments against breastfeeding, you will often hear that it is “gross; a private act that should not be done in public; or an inappropriate source of pleasure for the mother.” All three of these arguments have sexual connotations or imply that breastfeeding is somehow dirty. Is there any validity to these arguments? The source of these arguments is the western cultural phenomenon of idealizing breasts as sexual objects. We were all raised to believe that breasts should be covered up, that only women of loose morals bear their breasts, and that breasts are a source of adult pleasure--particularly for men. Other cultures think we are deviants for our odd interest in “baby feeders.” But knowing that other cultures find our sexual fascination with breasts odd does nothing to change the fact that this fascination is strongly engrained. There are decency laws in most states about breast exposure and too much breast on TV can lead to huge fines. Do indecency rules apply to breastfeeding? In most cases, the answer is no. Many states have laws on the books protecting the rights of women to breastfeed anywhere they are otherwise legally allowed to be. For more information on the laws in your state, click here. Sexual abuse of children is reprehensible and makes any mother shudder. The accusation that breastfeeding is somehow sexually abusive stabs to the heart of mothers who would give their lives to protect their children. Breastfeeding is pleasurable; however, this pleasure should not be confused with the deviant sexual pleasure of a pedophile. For most women, it is the same wonder-filled pleasure that a pregnant mommy feels when she caresses her swelling belly. It is the same sensory pleasure she feels when the soft hands of her baby caress her face. It is the same intimate pleasure she feels when she kisses her baby’s tiny little feet. Some women will experience feelings similar to
sexual pleasure for two reasons:
1. Oxytocin: This is a one of many hormones in your body. It accomplishes several tasks for you, but one of them is to give you a happy, calm, and content feeling. Because this hormone is also released during sex, many women notice a similarity between how they feel after breastfeeding and how they feel after having sex. 2. Conditioning (The Pavlov's Dog Theory): Pavlov was a researcher who trained dogs to salivate when they heard the sound of a bell. He rang a bell each time he fed the dogs, and eventually they would salivate when they heard the bell since they had learned to associate the sound of the bell with food. Some women ignore their breasts except during intimate moments. Because of this, any breast stimulation may be associated with sex, and therefore breastfeeding can trigger thoughts of sex. Even when women experience feelings similar to sexual pleasure, they are not experiencing sexual feelings for their child. Most women report thinking loving thoughts about their spouse. Breastfeeding is not abuse, regardless of the age of the
child.Normal breastfeeding is a minimum of 2 years; and up to 7 years in other parts of the world. Regardless of the age of the child, it is never for sexual gratification. Unfortunately, this is a very difficult concept for people living in the western world to process. Further complicating matters is the conditioned response experienced by many people when they see a mother breastfeeding in public. Seeing her partially exposed breast can be very confusing for the observer. Since men have been conditioned to see breasts as sex objects, they may feel uncomfortable or even aroused when seeing a breastfeeding mother. Parents may worry that their children are seeing inappropriate nudity if they view a breastfeeding mother. These are serious problems in our culture.No mother could bear for others to think she would sexually abuse her child, and most women feel embarrassed about being naked in front of others. Therefore, women will either choose not to breastfeed, avoid breastfeeding in public, or otherwise try to hide it.We are essentially forcing women to feed their children in the closet. The only way to change these odd beliefs is to continue to keep the dialogue open about this issue. People who consider breastfeeding to be gross or are uncomfortable seeing it in public are not horrible people for their beliefs, they are just expressing deeply held cultural conditioning. Changing this “cultural conditioning” is very difficult, but not impossible. Women who breastfeed in public are brave. Even if the law is on their side (and it is not on their side in all states or parts of the world ), they must still endure angry, outraged looks and rude comments. They must endure judgment and accusations, both spoken and unspoken, of abuse. The only way to change our culture is for more women to breastfeed in public and for more people to question their own beliefs about breastfeeding. Only then can women truly come out of the closet and enjoy acceptance for appropriate mothering behavior. |
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