Sex and breastfeeding

How do you feel about your breasts?

You already know that having a baby changes everything--including your sex life. How do feel about your breasts, sex, and breastfeeding?

"Don’t touch me!" Some women don’t want their breasts touched at all. They may avoid intimacy altogether in order to avoid having their breasts touched.

Their reasons for not wanting to be touched vary, but may include normal hormonal tenderness, pain associated with breastfeeding problems, embarrassment about the size or function of their breasts, or simply feeling uncomfortable about using their breasts for two different purposes.

If you don’t want your breasts touched, it is very important that you have an honest discussion with your partner. He can’t read your mind and if you once enjoyed having your breasts touched, this change can be confusing and feel like rejection to him. This is a big change for him as well and the odds are that he will honor your needs. Explore your own reasons for not wanting to be touched.

If you are having pain with breastfeeding, this is not normal and most likely can be improved with the help of an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. If the discomfort is hormonal tenderness, your man may need your help to know what feels good and what doesn’t.

If you feel uncomfortable about using your breasts for feeding and for fun or you feel embarrassed about them, discuss your feelings with your partner. You may be able to work through your feelings and enjoy breast play once again.

"Please touch me! Please!" Some women desperately want their breasts touched by their partner because of heightened sensitivity due to hormones during breastfeeding. Some women feel sexier after having a baby because they feel powerful or they like the changes in their breasts. Some women want to be touched simply because that was the norm in their relationship prior to the baby.

Whatever the reasons for this desire, their partner may feel uncomfortable about sharing these body parts with a baby. Some men are also repulsed by the thought of milk dripping or squirting out on them.

Discuss your feelings with your partner and work towards a compromise. Will he caress your breasts over a bra? Does he just need reassurance that it is OK to touch them? Is he willing to touch certain parts of your breasts but not others (such as the skin around the nipples, but not the nipples themselves)?

This situation can be very difficult for a new mother who wants to feel sexy again, but feels rejected by her partner. You will both feel better if you work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

"I could care less, just let me sleep!" Many parents feel overwhelmed and exhausted after the birth of a new baby. Sleep becomes a luxury. Add that to constant interruptions during moments of intimacy and satisfaction can be elusive.

For some women, it isn’t that they aren’t interested; it is that their basic need for rest has not been met. Again, an honest discussion with your partner may result in the met needs of both parties. A little help from your partner in caring for the baby or doing some of the house work while you rest could help recharge your batteries and make a future encounter more likely.

It is important, however, that your partner not expect sex as “payment” for his help. Getting back into the swing of things takes time and patience. You shouldn’t have to feel that you “owe” him simply because he did his part to help out with household tasks.

It is important to understand why you feel the way you do and to discuss your feelings with your partner. Your feelings are not unusual or wrong, and they need to be understood and honored.

For an interesting discussion about sex and breastfeeding, check out the forums at Medhelp.org.