Is this criticism?

by Julie
(Oklahoma)

This isn't direct criticism, but I did experience something with my first child that felt like criticism and shaped the way I behaved about breastfeeding for many years after.

When I had my first daughter, I was 18 years old. I was not married to her father, but his family was very kind and involved in the situation. The mother of my baby's father encouraged me to breastfeed even though she had not breastfed her own children. She told me on more than one occasion that she was proud of me for breastfeeding.

Because of this support and praise, I was shocked when she told me never to breastfeed around her father (my baby's great-grandfather). She told me that if I needed to feed the baby when he was around, I should either feed her with a bottle or go into a back room.

Even though this wasn't direct criticism, it gave me the impression that even though breastfeeding is something good, it shouldn't be done around other people (so doesn't that mean it's kind of bad?). After this conversation, I always felt uncomfortable around this man and uncomfortable about breastfeeding in front of other people.

I allowed this one instance to color that way I looked at breastfeeding. It suddenly became less important to me. I found that I was judgemental of other women who breastfed in public.

It wasn't until years later, when I considered why I felt the way I did about breastfeeding that I was able to change.

So I guess my point is that even subtle criticism can strongly influence a young mother. I really wanted that family to accept me, and those few little words had a profound impact on my behavior and beliefs.

I hope other mothers are not so easily influenced, and I hope we can encourage other mothers to ignore criticism from others--both subtle and not so subtle.