How to Deal with Criticism from Your Spouse

Your relationship with your spouse is your most important adult relationship. You need support and encouragement from your spouse more than anyone.

Criticism from him has the potential to seriously damage your relationship. If he is critical of your choice to breastfeed, this can be particularly difficult for both of you.

Even though being a dad can appear easy; he may feel left out and incompetent when it comes to your baby. He may feel competitive with you to be "the better parent," or he may feel jealous of the close relationship you have with your baby.

Your spouse may also be concerned about what other people think. If you are breastfeeding, he may feel embarrassed or feel like there is too much focus on your breasts.

Other people may be criticizing your spouse for things that you do. If your spouse's friends or family are giving him a hard time about something you are doing, he may turn that criticism back on you. If he wasn't breastfed and no one in his family breastfeeds, he may just not understand your reasons for wanting to do it.

If you are being criticized by your spouse, consider these things:

1. He's only a man. He's not perfect and he's bound to make comments that are hurtful once in a while. You shouldn't stand for a constant stream of mean comments, but if he makes a mistake once in a while, give him a chance to do better next time.

2. If he is getting pressure from friends or family, he may feel torn about the situation. Ultimately, he needs to put his wife first , but he may need your help to do that. Find out if he is getting pressure from others and work together to become a united front.

3. Some men don't like to be told what to do by their spouse. Even asking him for more support may feel like an attempt to control him. If he can hear positive opinions from other men, this may yield better results. Find other women who breastfeed and find out if their husbands are supportive. As long as your spouse doesn't feel like you are trying to manipulate him, he might respond well to the positive influence of other men.

4. If you avoid dealing with his criticism of you, the negative feelings will only fester. They will come out again later and most likely during a fight.

5. If he refuses to change, support from other moms will be even more important. Join your local La Leche League or another mother to mother breastfeeding support group in your area. Having the support of other women can make all the difference when you aren't getting support at home.

6. If your spouse is verbally, physically, or emotionally abusive, this is not OK. Get help. You teach your children how men should treat women by the way you and your spouse interact. Don't let them grow up thinking abuse is normal.

For more about dealing with criticism from men, check out
Men and the Dark Side of Breastfeeding.

Have you ever been criticized by your spouse or partner? Tell us your story!
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