Mom vs. Mom
Dealing with Criticism from Other Mothers
 How do you usually respond when
you receive criticism from another mother?
The typical
advice in this situation is to "just ignore it" or "don't let it
bother you." Unfortunately, that is easier said than done.
In the midst of the post-partum hormone monsoon, an off-hand comment
can feel like a punch in the gut. If it comes from a respected
friend, it is especially painful.
I recently overheard a conversation in a
restaurant among a group of women. The conversation turned toward
breastfeeding and several of the women stated they had breastfed
their children. Oddly, however, there was no shortage of criticism
for other breastfeeding mothers.
One mother complained that
a woman had "just plopped it out right there in front of everyone"
during a church service. After several women shook their heads in
disapproval, another mother told everyone in disgust how her
sister-in-law was still nursing her toddler.
The
conversation continued along that vein for quite some time with each
mother attempting to distance herself from these alleged "bad
mothers." They said things such as "well, I breastfed, but I
never……."
Sadly, there is no shortage of mother vs. mother
judgment.
When you are faced with a fellow mother who is
critical of your parenting choices, remember these things:
1. She doesn't know the details of your
unique situation. She's passing judgment based on a very narrow view
of reality. She doesn't know your story and she doesn't live in your
house.
2. She has her own parenting issues.
No parent is perfect. We all struggle to make the right choices for
our children. The biblical proverb to "take the log out of your own
eye before you try to remove the splinter from someone else's eye"
is appropriate here. She really needs to focus on her own issues
before she tries to "fix" you.
3. She may not even
realize that her remark was critical. Sometimes people just
don't know what to say in a social situation. They fall back on
things they have heard others say or just "go with the flow" of the
conversation even if they don't really agree with it.
4.
She may assume that "everyone knows" her way of
doing things. Her beliefs are so engrained in her that she doesn't
even know there was a better way. Often when people are critical of
moms who breastfeed, it is a product of their own ignorance to the
facts. I have heard many respected and well educated people make
wild claims about the value of formula and bottle feeding; and the
decreased value of breastfeeding. With all of the conflicting
information out there from self proclaimed experts, it is no wonder
that many other mothers don't know the truth.
5. When
everything is said and done, the only person you have to
answer to is your child. Those other mothers won't be there
when your child asks you why you chose the parenting path you did.
You can either choose to do what you know is right for you and your
child, or you can do what everyone else thinks is right for you.
Regardless of how you choose to deal with being
criticized, consider in advance how you want to deal with the
situation. That way you won't be left standing in shock as someone
attacks your parenting choices. Also think about what you are saying
about other mothers. We all need more support and less criticism.
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